Telling All???

John has written an interesting blog today over at Smulospace. How personal should one get about their life on a blogsite? Most of what I have seen in the Emerging/Missional blogsites centers around ideas, beliefs, and book reviews. Sometimes someone may get intensely personal about their own experiences. But it seems fairly uncommon. Sometimes someone may rant and rave over a particular issue or pet peeve. And then there are many blogsites I've perused that read rather like a diary, but usually pretty light-hearted. I guess I haven't seen a lot of mixing going on. But when a blogger is going through a particulary tough time, a personal crisis, tragedy, or duress, how honest should they get? I suppose this is up to each individual.

When we are really under the gun, it is important that we not stand alone. This is the time when the devil can really pick at us if we bear all the burden of trial upon our own shoulders. The Bible commands us to bear one another's burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ. This isn't only about my willingness to shoulder someone else's pain, but my willingness to reach out for help when I'm in pain, as well.

But there is a deep core of fear in most people's hearts that opening up honestly and sharing our burdens will make us vulnerable to rejection, ridicule, and even betrayal. Many who grew up in dysfunctional homes can well identify with the experience of being shamed or humiliated when as a child they may have tried to express something tender, or sensitive, or sentimental. Others of us may have experienced this as adults, on the job, or, unfortunately, even in our marriages. Precedent dictates that it seems safer to hide our pain.

Recovery teaches me, however, that I need to disclose my real self, to be honest with God, myself, and to another human being, and perhaps to several people. The trick is to find a safe place in which to do so. In most 12-step recovery meetings, there are rules that are in place to create this safety, rules such as anonymity, confidentiality, no cross-talking, judging, or advice giving. I have personally found that when these rules are in place, respected by all and followed (or enforced), the meeting becomes an incredible place for healing. Where they are absent, the possibility of further trial or harm becomes likely.

On the web, then, on blogsites, the question is, "how safe is it to disclose?" Some may bare their souls and may find they are not alone. Some may feel it is worth the repercussions. And some may feel quite wary. If we think this, then let us quickly seek out other safe places to share our burdens and trials. If we don't have any resources available, then we should at least start by emailing someone we think we can trust and see if they are willing to dialogue privately. And let us not feel like we are unqualified to teach, blog, share, or explain on our blogsites, even if we are going through a hard time. It is important to keep talking. At least I have found this in my own experiences in life.

Finally, I want to note that many of us experience the love, respect, and camaraderie of others when we are giving something good and valuable, when we're strong and well. But let us not forget that deep down in our hearts, there is an ache, a genuine need to be loved, accepted, and even esteemed, when we are hurting or not doing well. One will never know the depth of true love when one hides themselves in the time of need. When we are hurting, and when we risk disclosure, we will find a love that goes far beyond the love we get when all is going well.